"I left everything to follow him. I left my mother and father. I abandoned my way of life and the town where I've spent my entire life. He told to me to follow him and I just did. It was like God himself was parting the heavens and nudging me in Jesus' direction. It just felt right.
"Things were great for a long time. I traveled all over witnessing miracles — Jesus restoring sight to the blind, healing the sick, and feeding five thousand people with just a few fish and a couple loaves of bread. I have seen things I can't even begin to describe.
"But it wasn't all spectacle. There were quiet nights in sleepy towns where we would gather around a small fire and Jesus would talk for hours. Sometimes he would argue with Peter or Judas. Sometimes he would tell us beautiful things about the kingdom that was to come. Sometimes, he would just joke around.
"I really thought he was going to be the Messiah. I thought that final push into Jerusalem would signal the start of the rebellion; the glorious beginning of a new kingdom here on Earth, with Jesus on the throne as our king and the Romans cowering in fear.
"When we came into town on Sunday, it sure felt like we were about to do something great. People flocked to see Jesus come into town. They threw their cloaks and palm branches down before him and praised his name. Then, he threw the hypocrites out of the temple. It seemed like a new era was at hand.
"But I guess we were wrong. I guess it just wasn't in the cards. It's still so fresh that I'm not even sure where we went wrong. Things were going great and then all this talk of death and carrying on the message. Like Jesus was just giving up.
"They arrested him. They beat him senseless, until he could barely stand. I'm sure they must have broken something, they hit him so hard. They stripped off his clothes and divided them among the guards. People screamed and spat. There was nothing any of us could do, except watch in shock as the last three years came crashing down.
"They tortured him on that cross. I could see from where I was standing that he was suffering more than any man had ever suffered before. My God, my God, why have you forsaken us?
"He died. He should have been the new King of Israel, the Messiah, and there he hung, lifeless, from a cross. They killed my friend; my teacher; my God. And I ran. I ran without looking back. I ran until my lungs burned and my knees gave out and I fell into the dusty road. I wept and screamed. He's dead. And we're probably all next. The talk of love, of eternal life, and of fulfilling the Scriptures was all just a beautiful dream and this is reality.
"Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
