Breathe In the Spirit

I probably should've posted this sooner, as it explains the title of this blog, but it is so hard to put into words. I'll give it a try.

At the Emerging Church Conference, one of the speakers was Father Richard Rohr, a Franciscan monk. One of the things he talked about was the Commandment forbidding the wrongful use of the Lord's name. Many ancient Jews took this to mean that you could never say God's name: "Yahweh" in Hebrew.

However, written Hebrew does not include vowels, only consonants, so it is the responsibility of the reader to add in the correct vowels. This meant that there were many different ways of pronouncing words. In the case of Yahweh, the correct pronunciation did not allow you to move your lips or teeth. It was physically impossible to say it, you had to breathe it. "Yah" when breathing in, and "weh" when breathing out.

Just try that. Breathe in and out, slowly saying God's Hebrew name. It's amazing to me how calming that simple act is.

In the same way, we do not need to speak when we pray. Breathing is prayer in itself. The Spirit is all around us, in the very air we breathe. So, I try to take some time every day to stop for a few minutes to breathe and be with God.

It's pretty powerful stuff, breathing prayer. And it may not make sense to a society that is conditioned to demand physical proof of everything. It's hard to see God is everything around us, but I believe he's there. It's hard for me to let go and simply trust in a power I cannot see or touch, but when I breathe it, I believe.

And when I can't think of the words to pray, I can take comfort in the fact that God doesn't need words to understand me. All I have to do is breathe.

Lost

I am lost. I am alone. I'm not sure why I feel so disconnected, but I do. It has been nearly two months since my life-changing experiences in New Orleans and the Emerging Church Conference and I sense the spiritual adrenaline rush starting to wear off. I have come so long in such a short time in my journey as a Christian and yet, now, I don't know where to go.

There has been a lot of upheaval in my life these past few weeks. Final exams drained me, and now that summer has come, I am in the awkward place of not knowing what emotion to feel - with new friends leaving for the summer while old friends are returning. The people who lived out church with me over spring break are far away and I can't seem to make anyone else understand the transformation I went through.

With my fellow travelers gone until the end of August, I stand alone. No, not alone. God is with me. I want to continue the path I have begun. Up to now, I have done this as part of a group, but now, I have to do it myself. Just me, sitting down to discern my place in the world. Call it a spiritual coming-of-age. Let's see where it leads...