Church Shopping: Welcoming the Other

Walking into a new church can be intimidating. Here in Tacoma, most of the church buildings are very old. They have high, all-seeing steeples and huge wooden doors. It's even more intimidating if you show up late. Eyes turn toward you as you creep into the sanctuary during an unexpectedly quiet moment.

But this is the crucial moment that separates radically hospitable churches from punctual Christians only clubs. Extending hospitality starts when the stranger enters, unannounced, at the most inopportune time. When the other intrudes, late and frazzled, do you roll your eyes or do you give them your seat and hand them a bulletin?

In our three months of church shopping, my girlfriend and I have been to many uncomfortable churches. Some were stiff hard it was hard to follow the order of worship, making us feel like outsiders. Some were completely blind to our existence, keeping to the people they knew and making us feel excluded. Some were giant, impersonal megachurches where we felt attacked by preachers who sought to save us, whether we wanted to be saved or not.

It's hard to attract and keep young people like me and my girlfriend. Most churches don't have programs for 20-somethings. But with congregations aging and families disappearing, my generation is the only hope the church has of surviving to the next generation.

The first step is hospitality. In those churches that welcomed us, even when we were unknown and five minutes late to the service, we felt the love and acceptance of Jesus. Those are the congregations we want to return to and eventually, that's the kind of place we want to make our new church home.

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it." - Hebrews 13:2

Church Shopping: The Same But Different

Over the past month, I've been a Methobaptiluthertarian.

My girlfriend and I are church shopping. We're in a new town and we don't know many people; we're a blank slate. So, we're experimenting with different faith traditions.

A few weeks ago, we went to the local ELCA church and found it a little cold. Then, we went to the Presbyterian church and found it overly traditional, but very welcoming (the usher even gave us a hug). The third was a post-denominational church growing out of the rich musical tradition of the Baptists, but little structured liturgy. The fourth was a Methodist church with a strong social justice bent.

I've never considered myself to be conservative in my religious life. But these last few weeks, I seriously had to think about how my upbringing influences what I expect in church. Deep down, the tradition I was raised in shaped me. So, when the Eucharist isn't part of worship, I miss it. When the sermon isn't grounded in a specific reading, I miss it.

I don't know if all of this yearning for my roots will find me back in the pews of the church I grew up in. I don't know where it will lead me. But I know I the Spirit will take me there.

Why Church Shopping is So Uncomfortable

It's hard enough finding a faith community that you feel you can belong to once, let alone doing it again in a brand new place. What could be more terrifying? For me, church shopping isn't as simple as Googling the nearest compatible denomination. A place has to have the right feel, you know? That intangible quality — acceptance of heretical ideas, safety to explore theologic questions, a sense of the Spirit moving through a place. It all has to be there, and for me it's more an important than seeing "ELCA" on the church website.

I was raised Lutheran, but I don't always feel Lutheran. I want to explore my relationship to the Divine in new ways; I want to be challenged. Also, for the first time, I don't just have my own needs to consider. My girlfriend and I want to find a community that honors and incorporates both of our faith traditions (Lutheran and Presbyterian), but also challenges us to rethink our beliefs.

The final problem is the age thing. When you look at most congregations, you see a lot of families with young children and a lot of retirees. It's hard to find a church with a sizable number of twentysomethings to make friends with and talk about the issues that we're dealing with. By and large, young people are absent from the church — except for in nondenominational, rah-rah Jesus churches, where I've never felt comfortable.

So, how do we find a place that welcomes us, feeds us and sends us out into the world to do God's work, but also incorporates the liturgy we grew up with, has people we can relate to and encourages us to explore our ever-changing beliefs? Does such a place exist? How do we find it?

Let the church shopping begin.